***This story is about our angel baby’s early departure to heaven and how my sister whom I lost to breast cancer became her mommy in heaven. Both my sister, Iza and my daughter, Nela are now my angels, enjoying their beautiful eternal bliss while guiding my life from above. ***
April and May are tough months for me since you passed. Not only did I lose you on April 5 but I also lost a piece of my heart which now lives in heaven. As I try my best to acknowledge my birthday on April 7 following your death on April 5, my heart fills with tears reminiscing your young departure towards eternity.
As the months turned into years since I lost you, I continue to seek love, peace and comfort in the presence of Jesus who has become the center of my life. Gratitude of your beautiful life in heaven fills my heart with joy and inspires me to live simply, love deeply and appreciate the little things fully.
I cry less and smile more, knowing your new home is just as you imagined.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death, sadness, crying, or pain because all the old ways are gone.” – Revelation 21:4
I’m no longer upset with God for taking you away. Instead, I can’t thank Him enough for ending your decade long painful battle with breast cancer and freeing you from the weight of this world’s unfair, unexplained suffering. The cruel terminal disease that somehow kept you alive for so long.
I’m grateful for God’s healing power that strengthened my heart and encouraged me to share your story with others. These 3 years haven’t been easy for me, especially on days I need my sister near. One whom I can chat with at midnight, laugh with, drink tea with, go on a shopping spree with, make a savory beef stew with or simply sit and talk with.
Those precious moments that are taken for granted when our loved ones are alive. But when they’re gone, we wish to revisit them so often.
Every day, every chance we get…
I’m also grateful for God’s constant love and faithfulness that helped me so much through this difficult grief journey. Trusting him fully in the midst of trials and unanswered prayers has reshaped my way of thinking entirely. It redirected me toward a spiritual path that wasn’t familiar with before.
With God beside me, I found a certain “calm” that only He provides. I am in complete peace, even in the darkest moments that come my way. I always know that God’s got my back and that his gift of reassurance is one I can rely on forever.
“I am no longer who I was. Loss has reshaped me.” – Benjamin Allen
My heart is in a better place and my sister’s life in heaven is one I cherish and look up to. It’s an everlasting life I can’t wait to be a part of one day.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4
God’s faithfulness reassured me that the pain of losing a loved one is only temporary. The pain that consumes this world in a difficult time will only last a little while. It’s only a tiny part of us that eventually fades away when God steps in and takes us home…
A place where only eternal happiness surrounds us. An unimaginable joy that exists beyond the mountains, clouds and stars. The life with Jesus where only light shines across all horizons, joy overflows and paths of darkness have no place.
“I look up to the hills, but where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” – Hebrews 4:15-16
Heaven is where our eternal life awaits, a place where our loved ones above will reunite with us once more. And never separate again…
“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me will have life even if they die. And everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. ” – John 11:25-26
Last year I’ve experienced another painful loss which I will further share in an upcoming post and hope to blend in with this blog. Last April at this time, I was blessed with a healthy pregnancy and a hopeful future for a daughter I was planning a life for.
I was so thankful for God’s miracle of life blooming inside me; the precious gift of all: the life of a child. An unseen, fragile and beautiful creation that a mother falls in love with immediately. An instant bond between the unborn and living that becomes the most powerful love in the universe.
Yet, an unexpected tragedy came my way and I lost my daughter. I delivered her at 14 weeks gestation without a heartbeat. I held her in my hand, swaddled her tiny body in a soft blanket and kissed her face for 24 hours, while seeking answers from God.
That same day, I told God I wouldn’t survive this loss and He had to take me home. The same home where my daughter Nela was heading…
This grief was different and I just knew I wouldn’t come out of it. At least not without God beside me. I needed Him the most and trusted that he’d be there to pull me through. A grief journey that I couldn’t face again.
One I didn’t want to be a part of. One I knew I wouldn’t handle…
Losing a sister was devastating, shattered my heart and left me numb for months. I was certain my heart would stop beating from the pain and endless tears that surrounded me daily. Yet somehow, God pulled me through and I made it.
In some miraculous way, I survived that painful loss.
And here I was on May 2, 2019, holding my beautiful daughter in the palm of my hand, asking God to take me away with her. I just couldn’t see my life unfold any other way. The pain was slowly deteriorating my soul and my heart was dying by the minute. I had to be with her and no other place on Earth could provide that.
I had to escape this horrid, excruciating reality and continue my life with Nela in heaven.
As I looked at my daughter’s lifeless 50 gram body, I was in total shock and couldn’t believe God could do this. How can He? How can God create a life and then take it away? How can he separate a baby from its mother and take this beautiful creation to a place beyond our reach?
“The Lord will not leave his people nor give up his children.” – Psalm 27:10
It took me a year to partially heal and survive the loss of our baby girl. And truth is, I will never fully heal. I can only accept what happened and learn to live for my family knowing I have an angel daughter in heaven, enjoying her eternal life with my sister. She’s surrounded by everlasting love that perhaps this world and myself couldn’t give her enough of.
Maybe her life wasn’t meant to unfold here on Earth.
Maybe my daughter’s life was meant to thrive in heaven instead.
Maybe my daughter was meant to be with the other beautiful angel babies, enjoying her playful eternal paradise above.
Maybe my loss embarked her on a journey full of adventures that this world couldn’t offer.
And one day I’ll join her and we’ll explore the universe together. We will count the stars, watch sunsets and sit on the moon.
And we will be together forever…
Perhaps God had a purpose which I didn’t know of and that is for our baby girl Nela to be “planted on Earth to bloom in heaven.” And maybe the depth of God’s plan was to make sure my sister won’t be alone in Heaven.
Maybe his plan was for my sister to become a mother in heaven so she can enjoy her eternal life with my baby beside her. An angel daughter who soared high beyond the sky and now has a mommy in heaven.
No matter what God’s plan was, I trust him fully and know our angel baby Nela is safe, happy and exactly where God needed her to be. He needed her above and so he took her there. She now lives with my sister, who became the heavenly mother of my child. Our baby girl who isn’t alone anymore.
She’s safely cradled in my sister’s arms forever…
No matter the distance between us, our baby girl will always be a part of our family, deeply rooted in our hearts. We will celebrate her birthday every year, sing her songs, kiss her pictures, eat ice-cream together, light a candle honoring her life and instill her memory in our hearts for as long as we live.
Nela was, is and always will be our daughter, my kids’ sister and now God’s greatest gift of all to Iza, eternal motherhood in the safest place of all…
My sister is now a mother, for the first time and forever.
Hope she’s enjoying every breath of it. Because every breath captures a moment, a memory, a purpose, a life worth living.
Happy Mother’s Day to you! To both of us.
And to all the amazing women who have angel babies in heaven!
Sending giant hugs and lots of love your way...